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Getting our Sea Legs – Jon’s Tale

This weekend, Audrey and I rented a Four Winds Majestic 28A from CruiseAmerica to give living in an RV a try – to see how we like it, to see how living in 212 square feet worked out for us, and to see how our two cats adapted to living in that space. We did reach some conclusions, which I’ll get to toward the end of the article.

Rewinding a little bit – Thursday night I was trolling on RV Trader, when I found a 1984 Airstream Class A motorhome for just a tick under $30,000. It was (and looks like) it was originally owned by Larry Hagman – the actor that played JR Ewing on Dallas. It’s so retro, and very, very cool.


Completely on a lark, I clicked the “Get Financing” button on RV Trader, and I submitted an application. It’s hilarious to think that there would be financing available for a 30 year old motorhome, but I submitted the app and figured I’d get a rejection letter a few days later.

Friday afternoon, I left work at 12:30 so I could get to CruiseAmerica on Federal Boulevard by 2 – however, I got a call just before I left work from Dana at Southeast Financial. I called her back when I got home, and we had a nice long, informative chat about where I am credit wise, and that no, they can’t approve the loan right now, but that the dings that I have on my credit (that an awful lot of people have, actually – thank you, 2008) will be falling off pretty soon, at which point my credit should go from merely ‘average’ to ‘fantastic’, and that, why, yes, a 40′ Diesel Pusher just might be in your future… *blinks* That was not an answer I was expecting to get.

Anyway, after the call, I was running late (but sort of floating on clouds), and drove over to CruiseAmerica, where I did the walkaround and checkout on our home for the weekend. Then I got back in the car, came home, and took a Lyft back to CruiseAmerica to pick up the RV.

My first impression? MAN THIS THING IS LONG. I misjudged how long it was, and had to back and fill once just to get out of the parking lot. The drive back to the apartment was full of adventure, too, since there was construction along 92nd avenue, and each side was down to one narrow lane in each direction. After some finagling and figuring out which direction I needed to go to get the RV faced the right direction, I got the RV parked in front of our garage for the afternoon while I did some laundry and waited for Audrey to get home.

She got home about 6pm, and we had the RV loaded with clothes, sundries, and cats about 7:15. Once we got underway, Figaro and Little One made it clear (with a chorus) that they were having none of this moving business! That said, they both *really* like the overhead space that’s available in a Class C. That much became apparent by the end of the weekend.

We stopped at Wal-Mart for linen – we didn’t want to use ours on a rental mattress that (potentially) had bedbugs (it didn’t) – and some other sundries. We found some grape purple sheets and a grey and red plaid comforter that we liked that were well within ‘disposable’ budget. After that, we headed over to our friend Ann’s house to pick her up for our weekly evening of karaoke at Ogden Street South. We cheated a little bit – we’ve been talking about going without a tow-behind vehicle, but it became apparent right out the gate that it isn’t going to be feasible – taking the RV to karaoke would be hilarious and bad. We wound up taking Audrey’s Yaris. I do have to say that it was very nice to get back to Ann’s, and just crawl into bed right there, curbside. Friday night was pretty cold – I didn’t turn the heater up quite enough. By morning, the (single) house battery was just about dead, as well.

DECISION: We need an RV and a Car – at least for now. Someday we might be able to downsize again to perhaps a pair of motorcycles and bicycles, but for now, if we’re fulltiming and location independent, a car is a must.
DECISION: We need more than one piddly house battery.

Saturday, we helped Ann put together her new computer – she’s building it from scratch – and we helped her do some troubleshooting to get it going. About 1pm, we drove 38 miles across town to Audrey’s parents’ house in Ken Caryl, Colorado, to see them. The cats, again and predictably, did not like rumbling down the road one bit – but they dealt with it better than they did at first. Audrey’s dad really liked the DJI Phantom quadcopter we got recently, despite the preview that YouTube picked for the video. =)

We had dinner with them at Rubios, then we had our first – “Well, where in the hell are we going to stay tonight?” moment. On Friday, Audrey was ALL ABOUT having a plan. For the entire weekend. I was really super proud of her when, coming into Saturday Night, it got to be a little late to go with our original plan (drive up into the Pike National Forest along Rampart Range Road), and we needed to improvise.

Chatfield State Park was full.

Bear Creek Lake Park was full.

Cherry Creek State Park was full.

Jefferson County Fairgrounds, however, had space, and was reasonably priced at $30 for a 30 amp hookup. We were there in 20 minutes, and had probably another 20 minutes of chatting with the camp hosts while we signed in. The camp hosts (Melissa and her husband) have been fulltiming in Colorado for 3 years now in a variety of vehicles from a travel trailer to a 5th wheel and now they’re in a 31′ Class C. They were wonderfully friendly, and just full of advice. The spot we wound up in was hilariously not-level, however, and so…

DECISION: We MUST have leveling jacks.

We were up until around midnight talking about our experiences (we went to bed at 10pm, believe it or not) We were warm enough Saturday night (I was roasting, Audrey was freezing – weird.) and the cats were really starting to settle in. This is a good sign, I think.

Sunday morning, we decided that we’d had a long enough test run. We stopped at Village Inn for lunch, then brought the RV home and decamped. We’ll return it in the morning after getting gas and propane.

DECISION: We are going to buy an RV before our lease is up – even if it’s a $3000 Craigslist special. I’m not 100% sold on paying cash for a craptastic RV and starting from there – I am sold on not going $100,000 into debt buying our third RV first. I think we’ll be somewhere between buying a $3000 RV and something in the $10-20k range.

DECISION: Starting out fulltiming in an RV at the end of our lease will kind of SUUUCK because it’ll be Winter – but the hard cold winter in Denver is really from January 1 to the beginning of April. It’s just 90 nights. We can find a place with electric hookups and buy some fantastic ‘enclosed space’ heaters, and suck it up, buttercup.

DECISION: A 28′ Class C is large enough for what we want to do. It’s still a little cramped at times. 28′ is nice enough if we can have LR and BR slides for just a little extra space.

DECISION: 2015 will be 12 months to work on ‘non-job’ income. 

All in all, we had a great time, we learned some valuable lessons that we wouldn’t have learned without actually going out there and doing it, and we’re looking forward to the next step along the path to truly becoming digital nomads!

2014 Colorado RV Super Sale

Audrey and I went to the 11th Annual Colorado RV Super Sale at Mile High Stadium yesterday. We were supposed to get an early start and meet up with our internet friends Matt and his lovely wife, but they were there and gone before we managed to get on the road. It was in the mid 90’s, and probably hotter in the parking lot. Sadly, we didn’t get any of the afternoon clouds and thunderstorms that we’ve had for weeks, so it stayed hot and miserable – but there were some pretty awesome RV’s to inspect, and we did manage to find 4 or 5 things we want to follow up on.

Transwest Trucks in Frederick, CO

A 2009 Fleetwood Discovery 40X.

Their salesman said they’re looking to get it out the door for $128,000. Audrey and I both agree that it really, truly feels like a home to us.
Discovery 40X-001Discovery 40X
Discovery 40X-003
Discovery 40X-016


The black leather Euro-Chairs would go out the door on Craigslist, and would be replaced by at least one computer workstation. The dinette may or may not stay. Depends on how useful it turns out to be for working and eating both. We currently eat on the couch – that’s all the time we spend watching TV (and sitting on the couch) on any given day, so the dinette might become desk space, and a TV/computer workstation where the Euro-chairs are.

A 2014 Fleetwood Excursion 33A 

This is a new model, and it’s the last of them. They’re trying to get it out the door for (basically) what they have invested in it – $139,700. They didn’t have it on-site, but we’re going to look at it on Saturday.

Excursion33Athumb_a2M50000000gj2lEAA_5N140682_Excursion33A (6)
  thumb_a2M50000000gj2WEAQ_5N140682_Excursion33A (2)thumb_a2M50000000gj3AEAQ_5N140682_Excursion33A (10)


Although we haven’t seen the inside of this one in person yet, we did see a very similar Excursion 33D at the show (and Jason and Nikki Wynn have covered extensively) that we did like a lot.

One of the things that Transwest gets right – besides having sales people that are content to let you be to browse at your own speed – every time we’ve been to their location, and again at the stadium, they’ve got almost all of the units plugged in to shore power, and the air going. Even with the air going, it was hot in most of the coaches we looked at, and everything that was buttoned up went from being tolerable to being miserable quickly.


OK, just 2 Airstreams…

…that were large enough for us to consider, both from Windish RV in Lakewood, CO

We noticed a couple of things about them – first, and this bit we really did like, is that new Airstreams are using materials, colors, and finishes inside that make them perfect for the person who wants to purchase decorating and living materials from IKEA. Second, if you’re buying brand new, IKEA is where you’ll be buying all your decorating and living materials to kit out your new travel trailer, because Airstreams are incredibly expensive. The Airstream 27FB that we were looking at was pushing $90,000. I found one tonight in California for $59,000 (pictured below). Hard to believe that it’s depreciated 1/3 of the new value in 2 model years.



Ugh. This is why we’re skittish about buying new. A warranty is nice, but not as nice as saving $30,000 lost to depreciation!
We would seriously consider a used one if we hadn’t already made up our minds that we don’t want to tour the country in a pickup truck or SUV – If we show up at midnight, (or pull into a Bass Pro Shop or WalMart for the night) and it’s raining buckets, we want to be able to just go in back, get under the covers, and worry about jacks, and leveling, and plugging in, and all that jazz in the morning.

Camping World

2015 Winnebago 42QD

Camping World had a number of coaches that we really liked – that naturally were way out of our price range. Isn’t that the way these things go? Of course everyone LOVES the ‘stick and brick’ home that, if you optioned all the options they have on the model, then bought all the same furniture, would run $600k, right? Same with the coaches. The $300,000 Winnebago Tour that Camping World had set up as the first coach you’d see is a masterpiece of beauty. It’s really, really lovely. We both really like the materials and floorplan choices that Winnebago makes. How could you not love this?

536665tour 008 536665tour 030


The thing that cannot be adequately captured with a camera is how wonderful the rear bath is on the 2015 Tour 42QD. It’s spacious, well laid out, and…just fantastic. (There I am, going on again about the room I spend the least amount of time in!)

Jayco Seneca (3 on display)

I really, really want to like the Jayco Seneca. Having an honest Freightliner truck cab up front is really, really cool.


Unfortunately, the interior layouts of the ones they had on display are all pretty much terrible.

JaycoSeneca03 seneca36fk

What this view doesn’t show is the pinch points where the steps enter the coach, and again where you walk around the bed in the back. Both spots are very, very narrow. Even the older used Senecas we’ve looked at have had some fatal flaw in the floorplan. It’s a shame – as I said, I really want to like them.

Thor Palazzo 33.2

The Thor Palazzo 33.2 is one of my favorite coaches under 35′. (The other two being the Winnebago Forza/Itasca Solei 34T and the Fleetwood Excursion 33A/D). It’s got a great open floorplan, and room for a washer/dryer, which is a must have for us. They’re still new, so buying one used is out of reach for us, however.


Looking Aft in the Thor Palazzo 33.2Looking Forward in the Thor Palazzo 33.2

Winnebago Vista 35Y

This is a New For 2015 floorplan, and Audrey and I both like it a lot. It’s the first floorplan that I’ve seen in a Class A where the kitchen doesn’t feel like a ‘tucked against the wall’ afterthought. The more I look at this coach, the more I like it. So, you’re going to get extra pictures of it.

Vista 36Y 00LVista 36Y 00R

Vista 36Y 01Vista 36Y 02

Vista 36y 03Vista 36Y 04

A REAL KITCHEN, and a bedroom with a Not Terrible window! I REALLY, REALLY like the Vista 36Y, but it’s BRAND NEW for 2015, so it’s prudent to let someone else take the bath on depreciation.

At this point, we’d made our way from the very southern end of the show, where Transwest was, to the very northern end. It was blazing hot, and the only water available was a small stand in the center, selling 16 oz bottles for $3, and only accepted cash. We passed it on the way down the lane, since we don’t carry cash anymore. Fortunately, there wasn’t a lot left that looked interesting to us. We did find one gem among all the travel trailers and enormous 5th wheels at the north end of the show.

2015 Dutchmen Denali 2445RL

What an adorable little ‘babby’ 5th wheel – GVWR is 10,860 pounds, which means that if you don’t load it down with 3939 pounds of crap, you could pull it with an (appropriately optioned) F-150.

Dutchmen 2445RL 02Dutchmen 2445RL 04

Dutchmen 2445RL 06Dutchmen 2445RL 07

Dutchmen 2445RL 08


It’s also very similar to the Cougar 5er that Reddit user SiberianSF remodeled. Again, if we were considering driving a truck and not a single unit, I think we’d be all over this.

After this, we made our way back to the car, and headed out to…


Four Winds Majestic 28a

…CruiseAmerica to look at their $20,000 Four Winds Majestic 28A Class C specials.


96104091_2thumb_770x574 96104091_3thumb_770x574


It was very…basic. The sales guy had worked for the company for a long time, and had pretty good information on these coaches – little touches that are “renter friendly” (renters break shit) that you can see in the pictures, like the basic trim strips along the top and side of the dinette. They’re made that way because renters cut them, or burn them. Three screws and you can replace the damaged piece with a new one, without having to pull the whole dinette seat apart. Unfortunately, this also means that the Majestic 28A comes without things that a lot of other coaches do have, like an awning, slideouts, leveling jacks, etc. Some of that you can add, some would be cost-prohibitive (jacks, primarily), so you’ll have to kick it old school. The price is very, very, very hard to beat, especially after looking at coaches costing 4-15 times as much. We were sorely tempted to see if we could put $2200 down on the spot and pick the coach up in 3-5 weeks (standard delivery time).

The research I did on Friday turned up two camps of people.

  • People who do not, and would not own one, and hate them with a fiery passion.
  • People who did some due diligence, bought one, and love them (and the SCREAMING DEAL they got) with a fiery passion.

However, a $22,000 impulse buy is not something I’d ever recommend.

The Salesman said that they’ll be out of 2008’s this week, and then they’ll start selling 2009s for about $25,000. I don’t know that those will be the 28′ coaches, though. RVTrader shows the 2009 28a’s being about 32k. If the 2009s are indeed going to be 32k, then I think we’ll look out of state at a former El Monte RV rental that’s being pulled out of service, since the prices will be more or less comparable, but the El Monte coaches, from what I’ve seen, do have things like slides and levelers.

We’ll see what the folks at Transwest have to say on Saturday.


Supernatural Trip Planning

So, one of the things that Audrey and I are considering doing is travelling the roads traveled by Sam and Dean Winchester in the WB/CW series Supernatural.


Alana is Reading on Tumblr created maps to the best of their ability, and I wanted to draft a post on what that would look like. Prices are from August 2014, and the Calendar presumes starting the first week of 2015, both of which are fairly unlikely targets.

Season 1 – If we start from Season 1, Episode 1, we’ll want to pick up an RV in Northern California. This is OK with us, as our current plan is to establish residency in South Dakota, and that’s along the way…

29 December, 2014
Season 1, Episode 1 (and a half)
Palo Alto to “Jericho”, California – 200 miles, 4 Hours
Wikipedia says that Jericho, CA is a ghost town near Moores Flat, CA. I think I found the spot on Google Earth, and it looks like it’s no more difficult to travel to than it would be driving up Rampart Range Road here in Colorado – Plenty of pavement to the last couple of miles, then broad graded dirt. There’s not a lot to see here, but it is public land, so woohoo for free boondocking on the first night of a very long  and strange trip!

5 January 2015
Season 1, Episode 2
Jericho, CA to “Just outside of Grand Junction” to “Blackwater Ridge, CO” – 887 miles, 13.5 hours
“Blackwater Ridge” is the first fictional destination in the series. There is a “Black Ridge Canyons Wilderness” just outside of Grand Junction, and the location is 39.1 N by -108.9311 W. The road is gnarly as hell going out that far, and it’s a Wilderness Area that we’ll have to hike or horseback ride into, though, so it’s likely we’ll wind up staying at the Saddlehorn Campground at the Colorado National Monument, instead…

12 January 2015
Season 1, Episode 3
Grand Junction, CO to Omro, Wisconsin – 1317 miles, 20 hours
The location used by the Supernatural Fictional Places Wiki Page is near Wausau. I think I’d rather see Oshkosh, on the shores of…Lake Winnebago. Also, there’s a lake connected to Lake Winnebago called Lake Butte des Morts, or “Hill of the Dead”. That seems VERY appropriate for the setting.

19 January 2015
Season 1, Episode 4
Omro, Wisconsin to Kittaning, PA – 659 miles, 10h 44m

26 January, 2015
Season 1, Episode 5
Kittaning, PA to Toledo, OH – 251 miles, 4h

2 February, 2015
Season 1, Episode 6
Toledo, OH to Tucumcari, NM or St. Louis or Austin, TX – 471 miles, 7h

9 February 2015
Season 1, Episode 7
St. Louis, MO to Ankeny, IA – 347 miles, 6 hours

16 February 2015
Season 1, Episode 8
Ankeny, IA to Oasis Plains (Atoka County), OK – 579 miles, 9h

23 February 2015
Season 1, Episode 9
Oasis Plains, OK, to Lawrence, KS – 350 miles, 6 hours

2 March 2015
Season 1, Episode 10
Lawrence, KS to Rockford, IL – 518 miles, 8 hours

9 March 2015
Season 1, Episode 11
Rockford IL to Burkittsville, IN (Near Scottsburg) – 389 miles, 6 hours

16 March 2015
Season 1, Episode 12
Burkittsville, IN to “Nebraska” (North Platte) – 951 Miles, 15 hours

23 March 2015
Season 1, Episode 13
“Nebraska” to Cape Girardeau, MO – 770 miles, 11.5 hours

30 March 2015
Season 1, Episode 14
Cape Girardeau, MO to Saginaw, MI – 628 miles, 9.5 hours

6 April 2015
Season 1, Episode 15
Saginaw, MI to Hibbing, MN – 682 miles, 11.5 hours

13 April 2015
Season 1, Episode 16
Hibbing, MN to Chicago, IL – 542 Miles, 9 hours

20 April 2015
Season 1, Episode 17
Chicago, IL to Richardson, TX – 912 miles, 15 hours

27 April 2015
Season 1, Episode 18
Richardson, TX to Fitchburg, WI – 970 miles, 15 hours

4 May 2015
Season 1, Episode 19
Fitchburg, WI to New Paltz, NY – 965 miles, 15.5 hours

11 May 2015
Season 1, Episode 20
New Paltz, NY to (Peyton) “Manning”, CO – 1800 miles, 27 hours

18 May 2015
Season 1, Episode 21
(Peyton) Manning, CO to Lincoln, NE – 488 miles, 7.5 hours

25 May 2015
Season 1, Episode 22
Lincoln, NE to Sioux Falls, SD – 236 miles, 4 hours

Total for Season One:
14,912 miles, 235 hours driving.
1491 gallons of diesel @3.87 = 5770.17 or $1049.12/mo.

HEY, I got a ticket! – A guide on what to do…

Disclaimer: I archived this from wherever it was that I originally found this…now lost to the sands of time.

Oh boy, you got a ticket. Believe me when I tell you that tickets are no big deal. Yes, you can get out of them. I’ve had over 60 myself in 15 years of driving. A police officer pulling me over doesn’t even raise my heart rate any more, I’m just impatient and ready to get back on the road – can’t he tell I’m in a hurry? Have I ever had my license suspended? No. Have I ever been in serious trouble over my tickets? No. Have I gotten out of all of them? No, but I have gotten out of all but a very small handful, maybe five or six. Almost all of those were before I realized how to fight. I have not had a ticket go on my record since 1996, and it’s not because I stopped getting them.

This is an accounting of all of my knowledge about getting out of tickets. Why am I doing this? Because I’m tired of people asking me for advice. I’m tired of telling people how to get out of their tickets. I’m tired of having typed this up three dozen times. Read this, and you’ll know how to get out of your tickets. This is everything I know. However, you should also know that I am not a lawyer, and my experience is only with courts in the state of Texas. Your laws may differ, and your mileage may vary. I am not responsible if these tricks do not work for you.

First things first, you must understand what traffic ticketing is really all about – revenue generation. If you don’t understand this fact, and really believe that tickets are all about right and wrong, you will lose. You will attempt to play a game that doesn’t actually exist, and you will be unprepared for the game you are being forced to play. This was my mistake in many of my first tickets, and one of the tickets I got nailed for was one of the few I wasn’t guilty of. The speed limits are consistently set artificially low, and everyone breaks them knowing they are loosely enforced. Then, when the police need to make a little bit of extra money, they have a huge pool of “criminals” to pick from. Think about it this way, how many people do you know that have never broken the speed limit? Do you really think that 35 mph is a reasonable speed for a dry five lane road at 3am? Conditions change, and most people drive a reasonable speed considering the conditions. Studies have shown that speed limits have little effect on how fast the average driver travels, but they do cause a greater disparity of speed – which is actually what’s dangerous. It’s not so bad to drive 80 mph on the freeway when everyone else is driving 80 mph, but it’s quite another if four cars are traveling at 35 mph. This isn’t the only decision that’s made in the interest of revenue generation and against your safety – in many places where red light cameras are installed, the yellow light time is decreased. Why? Because that causes more people to run the red light. Some run it out of indecision, they can’t figure out what the correct action should be, but the vast majority is stuck in a zone where they can neither stop safely nor clear the intersection before the light is red. Longer yellows are safer for the motorist, but they don’t generate nearly as much revenue. Guess which one usually wins? I’ll get off my soapbox now, but I really want you to understand that the vast majority of tickets are not about safety, and they are not about right and wrong, they are simply a means for police departments to generate revenue.

Now that you understand the concept of your ticket, you are better prepared to fight it. The first thing you should do is come to the realization that since this is about revenue generation, this is probably going to cost you some money and some time. Our object here is to keep the hurt to a minimum. The sooner you come to this realization, the closer you are to beating your ticket. During my glory days of speeding, I often called this my “speeding tax”. I would typically get about six tickets a year, if I drove as fast as wanted where ever and whenever I wanted. Those six tickets would cost me, on average, about $150. So, for the cost of about $900 a year, I could speed with impunity. Think about that for a while. For a long time, it was worth it to me, and had the economy not taken such a downturn, I’d probably still be doing it today.

Second, you need to understand that it’s not so much the court’s fine that stings, it’s the insurance and points hit you’ll accrue if you just pay the ticket outright. Even if insurance just raises your rates $15 a month for a ticket, that’s $180 a year for the next three years. If you have a run of bad luck (and remember, everyone speeds) and rack up two or three during that time, you’ll be placed in a high-risk pool. Forget about reasonable rates, your rate will at least double or triple. Then, there’s the points to worry about. If you collect enough of these, they’ll take your license and you’ll be walking. Or driving without a license. So, when we talk about minimizing damage, the primary goal is to keep the ticket off our record. Our secondary goal is to decrease our court costs – but we should never compromise the success of our primary goal in the pursuit of our secondary one.

Third, you need to figure out what kind of ticket you’ve got. A “fix-it” ticket is very different from a generic moving violation, which is different from a DUI or reckless driving ticket or street racing ticket. If you got one of the latter tickets, you need to stop reading now and go get a lawyer. Those types of tickets carry heavy penalties and possibly jail time and vehicle confiscation. They are not to be hosed with, regardless of your innocence. You need a lawyer.

If you got a fix it ticket, you’re pretty much almost home. Luckily, these don’t go on your record, insurance never finds out, and they don’t usually cost all that much – if you fix the violation. So, go get the problem fixed (which you should probably fix anyway), prove to the court it’s fixed, and pay the reduced fine, usually something trivial, like $10. If it’s truly something stupid, like a front license plate violation, then fix it just long enough for the court to verify things are cool, then change it back.

If you got a moving violation (or perhaps a fix-it ticket you just can’t fix), then things get a lot more complex. Understand that at this point, you still have a lot of options available, but not all of them are good ones, and there’s not a single option that will work every time. You must be flexible and willing to work within the system. You must also be dynamic and intelligent and willing to change course when the situation demands it.

The easiest course of action is just to hire a traffic attorney. For anywhere between $50-150, they will do everything for you that I’m about to outline below. You might have to make a token court appearance and maybe pay a small fine to the court, but other than that, the ticket just disappears. I did this for a long time, and that’s how I learned the majority of the tricks detailed below. I will still do it if I get stuck with a really large ticket, like the 105 in a 55 I got four years ago. On a ticket that large, your options are limited and a lawyer can be of great assistance. For your run of the mill speeding ticket (25 over or less), it’s not really necessary, but if you are that worried, the extra insurance can be nice.

If you’re 25 over or less, a common option is to take a driver’s safety course. In Texas, it’s called defensive driving. Typically, you will not be (initially, at least) offered this option if you’re over 25 mph over the speed limit. I highly recommend that you don’t take it. Again, you’re going to ask me why. My reasoning for this is that this is your ‘get out of jail free’ card. It’s better to save it for when you really need it, and it’s nice to know that the entire time you’re negotiating, you’ve got an ace in the hole. If you have this option, at any time you feel that you just can’t win, you can opt out and take the course. It’s a powerful negotiating chip, but you only get one per year here in Texas. At one time, it was one every three years. Are you absolutely sure that you won’t get another ticket in a year? Remember, some courts are easier to work with than others, maybe it’s best to save that thing for when a court just won’t play ball.

Now, we get the meat of the matter. You’re actually going to fight the ticket yourself rather than take the easy options. Good for you. If more people did this, there wouldn’t be any money in the system and we’d stop getting bullshit tickets and bullshit traffic laws. Let’s first clear up some misconceptions, urban legends, and myths.

Number one, if the information on the ticket is wrong, then the ticket will be thrown out. Maybe. Probably not. When you’ve had over 60 tickets, just about anything that can be written down wrong has probably been written down wrong on one of those tickets. I have never had a ticket dismissed because of erroneous information. Not one time. You have to realize that a ticket is not a strict legal, binding document. It is simply an accusation. This is why they tell you that signing it isn’t a admission of guilt. The officer is simply recording the facts as he saw them, and in lieu of him taking you to jail, you’re agreeing that you are aware that he has accused you of wrong doing and that you will show up to the court to settle the matter. That’s all it is. If there’s erroneous information on it, he can certainly amend or change the ticket. He doesn’t even have to do this before it arrives in the courtroom for your trial. If you choose to go this route, and I highly, highly, highly recommend that you don’t, because it’s a gamble, this is your only shot – dispute the information in court. What you’ll need to do is get him to verify under oath the information on the ticket as true to the best of his recollection, then you will have to prove that the information on the ticket is incorrect. If it’s really an egregious error, then you might cast enough doubt on his testimony to get the ticket dismissed. If he can’t remember what color car you were driving, or what the license plate number was, or what road you were on, then maybe he was so incompetent at the time of the citation that he couldn’t reasonably be sure you were speeding. Again, it’s a gamble, and a pretty high stakes one.

Number two, if the officer doesn’t show, the ticket will be dismissed. True. But don’t ever count on this. I’ve had exactly two tickets dismissed because the officer didn’t show. I’ve seen very few dismissed for the same reason, with one notable exception – when the traffic ticket requires the verification of a third individual. There is a court near my home town that loves to write tickets for cutting in the ferry line. Usually, the officer does not see the violation, another individual brings it to his attention. If this third individual does not show up for court, then it is impossible to verify that the violation ever took place, and the ticket is dismissed. People do not usually show up for these, because it’s such a pain in the rear end to show up in court for something that no longer really concerns you.

Number three, you should just walk in, plead guilty and throw yourself at the mercy of the court. No. Never, ever, do this. This is such a gamble. Certainly, there are judges who will take pity on you, and will reduce your fine or give you a break. It’s happened to me, more than once, and that’s how I used to fight tickets before I knew better. But here’s the problem, if the judge doesn’t take pity on you, for whatever reason, you’ve just said you were guilty! Under oath in a court of law! You have no more options! You’re guilty! Good luck appealing, or using your defensive driving or anything else, you’ve just eliminated a good majority of your options by saying you did it. Believe me, there are many more judges who will nail your rear end to the wall for pleading guilty than will save it. It’s very likely you’ll get the maximum punishment, in which case you should have just paid the fine and saved yourself some time. I know you’re wondering why the judge is going to nail you to the wall, so I’ll tell you – you’re wasting the court’s time. Traffic court is very boring and takes much longer than it should, because everyone wants to go up and give an excuse for doing something that was against the law, which isn’t a defense anyway, all the while claiming they are guilty of the crime. If you don’t have a defense, why the gently caress are you in a courtroom?

Number four, the officer wouldn’t show me the reading on the gun (or some other “proof” of the violation), therefore, he shouldn’t have written me the ticket. Nope. He can write you a ticket just because he thinks you were speeding. He doesn’t have to prove anything until it goes to court.

Number five, I’m innocent, so I should get off. No, no, no, a thousand times now. Go back and read the first part of this article, specifically, the part about this not being about rights and wrongs and guilt and innocence. I hate to break it to you, it matters not that you are innocent or guilty. Your road is just as hard either way, and it is probably in your best interests to understand now that it is going to cost you some money. Remember, we’re just trying to minimize that. Yes, I’ve gotten tickets I shouldn’t have gotten. I got convicted on them too – most of the time, it’s your word (or you and your friend’s) against that of the officer and prosecuting attorney. It is very hard to prove that the officer is lying or mistaken, even if he is. If you can indeed prove this, it’s probably better to prove it to the prosecuting attorney (detailed below) and get the ticket dismissed outright.

Now that you’re actually going to fight, let’s detail your first court experience. There should be a court date somewhere on your ticket. Actually, this isn’t even a court date, per se, it’s just the time by which you have to contact the court, either over the phone or in person to settle the accusations against you. Don’t bother calling for the first week or so after your ticket – they won’t have any record of it yet, and you’re just wasting your time and the court’s time, and showing you have no understanding of how the game is played.

Usually, about a week before the due date, I call the court. Most of the time, you can make your initial plea over the phone, but sometimes, you’ll have to go down to the court in person to do it. Your options are: guilty, not guilty, or nolo contendere (no contest). The first and last options are bad. I’ve explained why the first is bad, even if you get to give an explanation, and the last is simply another way of stating the first – I’m guilty, but I don’t want to say I’m guilty, so I won’t contest the accusations against me. The only one that should interest you is, “not guilty”.

Once you make this plea, you will be assigned a court date to formally make your plea. This is an arraignment, not a trial. However, be prepared that if you in person to make your plea, you may proceed directly to arraignment, and if you go for arraignment, it’s possible (though not usual) for a trial to immediately follow. It is best if you ask the court about these things, and it is in your best interest to show up prepared and dressed properly, even if you do not expect a trial today.
On that note, let me address the issue of dress. Most of the people who fight tickets are the dregs of society. They can’t afford the ticket, so they go to court to fight it, hoping either to get their fine reduced or an extended payment plan. Go to the supermarket in the worst area of town, pick out the ten people dressed the worst, and you will see the kind of people who make up 90% of the people you’ll see in court. They come to court wearing the worst things, so bad in fact, that there is usually a sign stating inappropriate attire. These are usually things you should know not to wear, like flip flops and shorts, but people do it anyway (and get thrown out of court). Some wear clothes that have visible holes, some look like they haven’t bathed in a year. I’m not saying not to feel sorry for them, but I am saying that you don’t want to look like them. These are the average person the judge sees every day, and every one of them wants a special break because they are poor, and they don’t have a good defense, and they are guilty, and they won’t be able to feed their kids, and on and on and on and on. Notice something? They are wasting the court’s time. Judges hate that. If you dress like that, he will assume you’re there to waste the court’s time like everyone else. Every once in a while, these people will show up in a button up shirt and tie. That’s not bad, but it’s obvious you still don’t know how to dress for court. Look around you. Everyone who does real business in this arena wears a suit. If you want to be respected, then you also need to wear a suit. It doesn’t have to be a $2000 Armani designer suit, but it should be nice. This will tell the court that you understand how the game is played, you respect the court, and even though everyone else is here to waste the court’s time, you are here to make an argument. Even if you’re not. You’d be surprised how many people forget or overlook this very simple and very effective tool.

Now, let’s make our plea. The first thing we want to do is plead not guilty. The second thing we want to do is ask for a trial. Texas offers you the option of a jury or judge trial, I highly recommend taking the jury. Your state may not offer this option, but if it does, take it. After you’ve done this, you need to go back and remember our goals. Remember, our primary goal is minimizing damage, specifically keeping this ticket off your record and out of the eyes of the insurance company. Even though we’ve asked for a trial, we are going to do everything we can to avoid actually going to trial. Trial is risky. Sure, you might win, but you also might lose. Losing sucks, and it causes us to not achieve the primary goal. So, if we have to sacrifice a few secondary goals to ensure that we achieve our primary goal, it’s worth it. However, you must make the appearance of being willing to go all the way to trial, or the court will call your bluff. It’s very much like a poker game. The idea is to make all your opponents fold long before the river card comes out. Even if you’ve got an incredible hand, it can still be beaten, and it’s better to win a small amount of money than it is to lose big.

After you made your plea, remember that we have to go to arraignment to formally make our plea to the court. This is a very good time to bargain, and I’m usually not in court past this point, unless the court just won’t deal. Before you actually make your plea to the judge, you’ll probably meet with the prosecuting attorney. Funny how no one ever mentions him, but he’s the one that pulls all the strings. He gets to decide if your case ever even sees the inside of a courtroom. He’s not your friend, but he is someone to negotiate with. Typically, this is a very informal meeting. His primary concern is figuring out why you’re fighting this ticket and how to keep it out of the courtroom. Remember how I told you we want to keep it from going to trial? Well, he really doesn’t want it to go to trial either. It’s a risk for him to take it to trial, particularly if it’s a jury trial. Number one, it’s going to cost the court time and money to prosecute, meaning that less money goes into the general coffers. Number two, there’s a decent chance he could loose, especially with a jury trial (and those cost even more money). He doesn’t know who will show up for jury duty that day, and maybe one of those people is like me, and just won’t convict on a minor traffic violation, no matter how much evidence there is. Remember, it’s all about revenue generation, not right and wrong, and going to court is a huge wildcard and always costs money. This is a huge bargaining chip for you, and you need to fully realize it. You also need to realize that this isn’t the last time you’ll see the prosecuting attorney.

So, his first question will attempt to determine why you’re there. Be honest, but don’t reveal too much. Don’t talk about your guilt or your innocence, or even about the case. Just tell him that the ticket isn’t the real issue, you just don’t want the points or insurance to find out about it (your primary goal). Now, this is like gold to the prosecuting attorney. You’re telling him, without saying so much, that you don’t care if the court gets your money, you just don’t want anyone else to get any of it. This gives him a lot of options to keep it out of court, because ultimately, the court will get their money. Now, every once in a while, you’ll get a PA who is either too greedy or too concerned with right and wrong to fully comprehend the game that’s being played. This happens, and is more likely in a small court than a large one. This is where you have to be flexible.

At this point, one of several things will happen. He may press to see how serious you are about fighting. This is where you might present any evidence you might have, and try to convince him that the case really has no merit. I had a friend get out of a seatbelt ticket just last week by showing the PA that he had photos showing that it was impossible under the conditions for the officer to determine if his seatbelt was fastened (it was, incidentally) or not. No trial, no court, no nothing. Just dismissed. Your concern here is convincing the PA that you actually are serious, and you’ll go all the way to trial if you have to.

The attorney may also offer you a deal. If it’s a good deal, take it. To me, a good deal is a reduced fine, no points, no record, no insurance hit. Sometimes they may not reduce the fine, or they may require you to take a driving class, or some other crap. This is always open to negotiation, and feel free to ask for anything you think you might can get. What you will have to keep in mind is that if you can’t reach a deal here, it is going to at least cost you more time. The deal you will accept may depend on how valuable your time is to you. I have accepted some pretty mediocre deals just to keep the ticket off my record and keep me from spending any more time.

Sometimes, the PA won’t deal, or won’t make a deal that you can live with. In this case, he’ll set a trial date for you. This is not the end of the world, even though we don’t really want to go to court. At this point, you may wish to reconsider your driver’s education class, or you might want to get some more evidence, or you might want to go to court. These are all options you’ll have to weigh and validate for yourself. Every court and every case is different.

On the subject of evidence, I’ll just say this: I usually don’t bother gathering any, though I bring a briefcase to court to make it look like I have some. Remember, for me, this is all just a bluff to get out of the ticket. The last place I want to be is in front of a judge and jury – and I’ve only been there a couple of times. Often these cases will come down to the officer’s word against your word, and we all know how that comes out, right? Now, if you’re serious about going all the way to trial with this, you might want to contact the court and do a public records request and make sure that the officer is current with his calibrations and certifications. The paynofine pdf goes into that in a lot of detail, so I’ll refer you to that document if you want to pursue that route. Be aware that many officers do keep their calibrations and certifications current, or at the very least, make sure to make it look like they do.

The next thing that will happen is your trial date will come up, usually sometime in the moderately distant future. You will meet with the PA again before your trial. This is when your bargaining power is at its highest. He really doesn’t want a trial any more than you do, and he’s going to try to cut his losses. He does have a few hole cards though, he knows if the officer has shown up today, and he knows how solid (or not solid) his evidence against you is. If you have gotten to this point, now is the time to ask for the sun, the moon, and the stars. Chances are extremely good that you will get it.

If you don’t get it, you will proceed to trial. Scary, huh? Don’t sweat it so much. Pick the best jury you can, and make the prosecution prove their case. Don’t even worry so much about your evidence, or even if you can prove anything. Even if you lose, this is still far from over.

Remember that 105 in a 55 I mentioned above? The one I had to get a lawyer for? Well, it happened in the smallest of small towns, and the judge and PA didn’t want to deal. We went through all the steps above, and they were unyielding. Even the public records request was no help. To be fair, what I had done was a fairly serious crime, and I don’t blame them for wanting to nail my nuts to the wall over it. I know I deserved it. We went all the way to trial, picked a jury, went through trial, and lost. End of the world, game over, right?

Wrong. We immediately appealed the decision. This cost me a little bit of money, as I had to put up a bond equal to the amount of the ticket – which was not a small amount. This kicked my case up to the county level. Understand, county is a huge court, and they don’t normally deal with traffic tickets. They have ‘real crime’ to deal with, and much more serious things than a speeding ticket. They took one look at my case and said, “what in the hell is this doing clogging up my court?” Well, I assume that, because they were pissed when it came up. Note that they were not pissed at me, they were pissed at the lower court for not handling the case and keeping out of their hair. Regardless of the guilt, it was such a minor thing in the eyes of the county court that the lower court should have bargained with me so that it didn’t get to this level. But it did, and now it was wasting their time. Remember again, judges hate to have the court’s time wasted – only in this case, they saw it not as my fault, but the lower court’s fault. They were so mad, they knocked my fine down to a trivial amount and changed the ticket to an equipment violation, meaning no points, no record, and insurance never found out.

All that said, it is better to avoid getting a ticket in the first place. Always be alert, attentive, and use your radar detector. If you do manage to get stopped, be kind and courteous and try your best to negotiate a warning rather than a ticket.